Cold
by Kyoneko7
Summary: After Lucy's death, Gray leaves the guild and becomes an assassin.  He takes on various assignments, always haunted by how he couldn't save her, always searching for her killer.  So what happens when his latest mission leads him to see a ghost? GrayXLucy
1. Chapter 1: Dream

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Fairy Tail or any of the characters._  
><em>

So I had another idea, and here is the beginning. Hopefully you guys like it :P

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><p><em>It was dark. And surprisingly cold. My body was unbearably heavy. I'd never felt so cold before. Such a strange sensation. But I had to get up. I needed to move. I needed to live. For them. For her.<em>

_My eyes flitted open to a dark purple sky, barren and starless. My fingers twitched as I willed movement throughout my body, forcing my arms to lift myself up into a sitting position. My eyes widened as I took in my surroundings. Towering spikes of ice surrounded me for miles in every direction. The ground was covered in a thin layer of icy dust, and there was no sign that any living thing had ever been here. So much ice. Was this my doing…?_

_Abruptly, my thoughts flickered back to my teammates. To her. Were they wandering somewhere in this chaotic world? If so, I had to find them. I forced my weakened body to move again, a short cry of pain escaping my lips as my left hand flew to my right side. A warm wetness oozed over my fingers, and realization set in. I examined my fingers, now coated in dark red blood, then my eyes dropped down to the large gash in my side. I didn't have much time. I had to find them quickly._

_I fought against the pain and forced myself to stand up, my feet staggering slightly as I tried to regain my balance. My vision blurred for a moment, and I placed my hand firmly against my wound. Once I had steadied myself, I wandered aimlessly into the icy wasteland. After a few minutes of walking, I found one of my teammates, but not in the condition I had hoped for._

_I stumbled forward the last few feet, and placed my free hand against the ice. Erza's face stared back at me with wide eyes, her mouth frozen as if she was shouting out. Maybe shouting someone's name. My name. My eyes dropped to the ground as I grimaced in pain. I wanted to help her, to save her. But I couldn't. My magic power was gone, replaced only with an intense feeling of guilt for a crime I wasn't even sure I had committed. But everything seemed to point in that direction._

_I continued to push myself forward, until I came across Natsu, another frozen statue added to this sickening collection. He stood poised, ready to fight, his eyes wide with rage, and his mouth forming the same word that Erza's had. The ice curved and coiled around his body. Frozen flames. I tore my eyes away, still helpless in this situation. I couldn't even find it in myself to apologize. What had I done?_

_My head perked up at the sound of raspy breathing just a few feet away. I turned around to find the blonde stellar spirit mage sprawled on the ground, her breathing unsteady, her skin ghostly white. I forced my body towards her and dropped to the ground beside her, picking her up slightly so that I was holding her in my arms._

_Her eyes were glassy, staring up at me. "Gray…" she managed, her lips an icy blue. "I'm so cold."_

_I didn't know what to do. I couldn't say anything. My voice was lost somewhere inside my cold shell, unable to find the words I had wanted to tell her for so long. I placed my hand against her cheek, her skin surprising cold against mine. "No…" was all that I could say as I found tears forming in my eyes. _

_A voice screamed inside my head, "This is all your fault!" It echoed and screeched, my mind spinning. _

_As I ran a finger along her cheekbone, her skin suddenly cracked, the sound loud and harsh like ice. My eyes widened as the rest of her body began to crack. Her eyes closed slowly as she began to fall to pieces. A frozen statue I was unable to save._

…

Gray shot up in his bed, breathing heavily, sweat dripping down his face and bare chest. His left hand drifted up to his right pectoral, where he used to proudly display the Fairy Tail emblem. In its place now were scars from an assignment that had gone wrong. He stared at the wall before him, his eyes wide with fear, remorse, his mouth pulled into a painful grimace. He pulled his knees up to his chest, the bed sheets falling from his body, and placed his head in his hands. "This dream again," he whispered sadly. A single tear sluiced down his cheek. "Lucy…"

He couldn't remember her voice anymore, and he hated himself for that relentlessly. Not even in his dreams could he remember her as perfect as she was. After five years now, she was a memory, slowly fading away, yet haunting him all the same. An intense yearning that he would never be able to satisfy. Because that was it. She was dead. He'd never have another chance and he blamed himself for her fate.

And although he was still sitting there, his chest rising with each breath, he didn't feel like he was alive either.

There was no way he could call this reality a life.

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><p>Just a little taste of what's to come. Hope you like it! Please review! The story should get more interesting :P<p> 


	2. Chapter 2: Can't Move On

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail or any of the characters.

Hello again! I wanted to try and update this story soon to get the ball rolling. Hopefully I will be updating my other story soon too. Anyway, I think this story is going to be a bit heavy on the flashbacks and dreams and stuff like that. In order to get some background info to the story. There may be some twists as well haha.

Also, right at the beginning, you may think one of the characters is very out of character. But I think you'll see why I made this person this way ;-)

Well, I hope you enjoy!

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><p>He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, the room shrouded in darkness. He couldn't sleep now. There was no way that he could. With every reoccurrence of that dream, he would start thinking of her again. <em>Really<em> thinking of her. Because there wasn't a moment in his existence that he didn't think about her since he'd met her. Even though she was gone now. He wouldn't move on. He couldn't. He continued to hold on to every last fragile shard of memory he had of her. And remind himself of how he couldn't save her. How he let her die.

His hand drifted up to the chain around his neck, and his fingers curled tightly around the key that dangled there. One of her keys, which had long since replaced the ornament he previously had. They had done it as a symbol of her memory, dividing her stellar spirit keys among those guild members who she was particularly close to. A constant reminder that she had once graced them all with her presence. He chose to wear his around his neck. Close to his heart, where she would be forever.

"You're thinking about her again."

Gray sat up to find a blue-haired young woman standing in his doorway. A blue silk nightgown fell against her curves, and her lean arms were crossed beneath her chest, pushing up her breasts. Around her wrist dangled a bracelet with a key attached. Gray stared at her a moment before saying, "I thought I told you to knock."

"I just came in here to tell you that you've been given another assignment. You're to leave first thing in the morning. I put the message on the kitchen counter." She dropped her eyes to the floor, biting her lower lip.

"If that's all, you can leave now," he said harshly.

"Yeah…" She turned to leave, then stopped suddenly. "There was something else I wanted to tell you too, Gray."

He stared at her intently, waiting for her to continue.

She kept her back towards him as she spoke. Her words were careful and deliberate. "I'm going back to the guild tomorrow."

He was shocked for a moment, but then he understood. He nodded, but said nothing.

She turned back around to face him. "Gray, it's been three years since you left the guild. Three years since I followed after you. Three years since Lucy died."

He gritted his teeth at the last part.

She breathed out slowly. "I followed after you because I didn't want you to be alone, Gray. I was so afraid that you would fall into darkness. I followed you because I love you, Gray."

He knew she did. She didn't have to tell him. It was obvious enough.

Her eyes dropped to the floor. "But I know you will never love me," she whispered. "And I've accepted that now. You'll never love me because you still love her. You can't move on. But I can, Gray. And I will." She looked back up at him, her eyes teary. "I'm going back to my life. This time with you has just been a brief intermission, and I'm ready to move on now. Besides, I don't think there's anything more I can do for you. I'm sorry." She turned back around and left, slowly closing the door behind her.

"I see." He smiled sadly. "Thanks for everything…Juvia."

She had changed so much since they'd left Fairy Tail. But he noticed the major difference in her when she dropped the "sama" from his name completely, and began speaking in first-person a few weeks before. She had been able to grow and learn during this time, unlike him. He was still stuck in the same place he'd been since he'd left.

Even through everything she'd done for him, he was never able to return her feelings. He couldn't. Even though he sometimes gave in to her during moments of weakness, he couldn't give his heart to her. She could feel this, eventually realizing there was nothing she could do. She wasn't doing anything wrong, and she knew that deep down he appreciated her. He was just stuck. There was a key he needed in order to help him move on. And she wasn't that key.

Gray lay back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a moment again. Then he closed his eyes in an attempt to get a few more hours of sleep before his next mission. When he finally drifted to sleep again, he dreamt of a time when Lucy was still alive.

On the other side of the door, Juvia stood with her back pressed against the door, her arms wrapped around herself to control her sobs. Tears rolled endlessly down her cheeks. "I see," she whispered, her voice choked. "He didn't try to stop me." She began wiping the tears from her eyes. "So I wonder why I got my hopes up that he would." She sighed and forced herself to smile through the tears, walking back to her room where she continued to pack the rest of her things.

…

Gray's eyes blinked open at the feel of sunlight on his face. He rolled onto his side, resting his head against one of his arms. His mind was hazy, still caught up in the remnants of his dream. His last carefree moment with Lucy. Why couldn't he have found it in himself to just tell her? Now he was cursed forever to live with these unanswered feelings. This heavy regret pulling on his heart. It was one of the most painful things he'd ever experienced—being in love with a dead girl.

He forced himself out of bed, and dragged himself to the bathroom sink. He wasn't tired, but he felt so heavy. Maybe Juvia had been right. After just a few years now, he was already becoming weighed down, tied to something he could have escaped long ago. And he continued to be reeled in, further and further, to the point that running was nearly impossible. There was no way he could stop. He was already too far deep. Struggling to stay afloat.

The sensation of the cool, running water against his fingertips brought him back to the present. He stared into the mirror and found a pair of empty, dark blue eyes looking back at him. He splashed the cold water against his face, running wet fingers through his hair. That perfectly messy look remained as each strand of black hair fell back into place. He stared at his reflection a second longer, droplets of water rolling down his skin, before snatching a towel off the counter and rubbing his face dry. He grabbed a pair of jeans hanging from a hook on the door and pulled them on before walking the few feet back to his room. He picked up the first shirt he saw from the ground and pulled it over his head then opened the bedroom door and walked to the kitchen with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

She was really gone. The apartment was nearly half empty, all of her small, homey touches snatched up and gone in an instant. As if she was trying to leave no trace of her existence there behind. But the memory of her presence there still lingered in the air, thick like a heavy perfume.

He stared at the empty kitchen for a long while, memories of the blue-haired mage swarming in his mind. How many times had he woken up to find her cooking him breakfast in the kitchen, forcing him to eat something even when he felt like he couldn't keep any food down? She had always taken care of him, cried and prayed for him every time he left on a new assignment. And now seeing the kitchen completely empty, devoid of the sounds of sizzling food and humming, was incredibly discomforting.

He himself wondered why he even let her follow after him that day. Maybe he just couldn't be bothered. Maybe he just wanted some sense of normalcy in his life. Maybe he didn't want to be alone.

But he was now. He smiled sadly at the thought. It was probably better this way anyway. There would be no one here to worry anymore if he didn't come back.

He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a moment before looking at the note left on the kitchen counter. The writing was elegant and scroll-like—not Juvia's handwriting, but that of his higher-up, the person who assigned him his targets, a person he had never actually met. His eyes widened as he read the note. "The target is in Oshibana, huh?" His eyes were sad. "Our first mission as a team was there…" He sighed and stuffed the note in his pocket. "I guess I should be heading out soon."

He headed for the door, staring behind him for a moment at the half empty, two-bedroom apartment. There was no one here to tie him to this place anymore. He could leave it behind. Take one more step towards moving forward. He took one final look at the place he called home for the last three years then pressed forward, closing the door behind him forever.

…

He usually didn't mind trains, but he wasn't too fond of this one in particular. Not because of the mode of transportation, but because of where it was taking him. Somewhere he was afraid memories would wash over his mind, unyielding like a flood. Even now on the train heading towards his destination, the memories were already surfacing. Erza sitting across from him with Natsu unconscious in her lap, and her, _Lucy_, sitting on his right. She was so fascinated by his magic, seeing it for the first time. It had made him so happy. He held his head in his hands, letting the memories of a happier time consume him. He wished so badly that they were there with him. So badly that she was still here.

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><p><strong>AN:** I hope it is apparent that I made Juvia this way in order to show the fact that Gray really hasn't moved on. She really loved him and wanted to be with him but she finally realizes it will never work out, no matter how badly she wants it. Plus I think I like Juvia better as a strong person who lives for herself and not just the person she loves. Maybe she hopes deep down that Gray will be able to move on when he sees that even she is able to. Since her whole part in all this isn't really explained I think I might make a oneshot describing those three or so years through her eyes.

Anyway, thanks for reading and please review! ^_^

If I end up getting a lot of reviews it will definitely motivate me to update faster! Because it lets me know whether or not you guys like the story :P Thanks!

Next chapter will have the flashback moment of Gray's last carefree moment with Lucy :) as well as something that may make the story quite interesting.


	3. Chapter 3: Oshibana

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail or any of the characters, except those ones that I create myself.

Hi all! Thanks for the reviews and sorry for a bit of a delay in getting up the next chapter. I keep getting called into work and then at the end of the day I end up being too tired to do anything and just go to bed early .

In any case, here is the next chapter. We don't really know much about Oshibana, so I may end up making up random buildings there and such xD

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><p>Gray moseyed off the train with his hands stuffed in his pockets. It was about noon now, and the sun was already high in the sky. His eyes dropped to the ground as he found others in the station staring at him intently. He imagined he seemed strange—an obvious traveler without any bags, just the clothes on his back, and an empty stare. Like someone who was trying to run, only to find his efforts useless. A man with nothing to go back to, and yet a man who could not move on.<p>

He strolled a little further into town before pulling the note out of his pocket again. "So I guess I have to get a room at the inn then. Number seven," he said to himself. The tone in his voice was flat, emotionless. These assignments were second nature to him now, and he just wanted to complete it smoothly. Like usual. But his head was not in the right place. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop the constant flow of memories humming in the back of his mind, but he believed he may be able to focus for the most part as long as those memories lingered far back behind what he needed to accomplish.

He continued to walk towards the middle of town until he came to the Oshibana Inn. Without any hesitation, he approached the building and entered through the swinging double doors. The lobby area was quaint, and had a homey, country-style feel to it. The floors and walls were made of a dark brown wood, and a few potted plants lined the wall by the door. At the receptionist desk stood a young, timid young woman. Her wild brown hair fell in loose waves past her shoulders to the middle of her back, and she wore a white peasant blouse which was both too short and too small for her. Her eyes widened and her cheeks reddened as she watched Gray approach the counter.

"Room number seven please," he said, his voice deep, smooth. He handed her enough jewels to cover the cost and flashed her a smirk as she handed him his room key. Her cheeks turned a deep red, and she didn't say a word. Gray laughed softly to himself as he walked upstairs to his room.

The room wasn't as small as he expected, with a queen sized bed in the middle of the room, and an armchair next to the window across from the bed. The door to a small bathroom was next to the entrance, and a small desk and chair was located next to the bed. He closed the door behind him and started towards the desk. On the desk was another note from his boss, as well as a bottle of champagne and a lone glass. The note read:

**Consider the champagne as a sort of celebratory treat for your success on all your missions thus far. Today marks the third year that you have joined me and I am more than satisfied with your progress.**

**Your current assignment will require you to wear formal attire, as the target will be at the casino located a little outside of town. I suggest you scope out the building prior to the target's arrival, as he will no doubt be surrounded by many of his men.**

**I will send another note with details of appearance in the morning. You know the drill.**

**-L.K.**

Gray sighed as he finished reading the note. He was used to this kind of assignment. It would be an easy kill. He stared at the bottle of alcohol for a moment and shrugged before popping open the bottle and pouring himself a glass. He wandered over to the window, sipping his champagne, not particularly interested in this choice of beverage. It was still bright outside—there were a few hours of sunlight left. "I guess I should go get that suit," he muttered as he placed his glass on the windowsill and turned to leave the room.

…

The middle of town was crowded with civilians at this time, so Gray took the chance to try and blend in, searching for a formal clothing shop. It didn't take long to find one, and as he strolled in through the doors, he was greeted by a small, round old man with a graying handlebar mustache.

"Ah, looking for a suit, young man?" the old man asked as he bumbled over to his customer.

Gray nodded and managed a slight smile. The old man beamed at this gesture and quickly formed a measuring tape out of thin air. With the flick of his hand, the measuring tape began taking Gray's measurements by itself. When it was done, it snapped away and disappeared back into thin air.

"I have just the thing for you!" the old man smiled before wandering off to the back of the shop. He returned with a pair of black pants, a jacket, a white shirt, and tie. "Try these on over in the fitting room and tell me how they are!"

Gray was taken aback slightly by the old man's excitement, but willingly took the clothes from him and tried them on. When he came out of the fitting room dressed in the new formal attire, the old man simply smiled. "Perfect. Perfect. Looks good on you boy!"

"Thanks…" Gray said, handing the old man the jewels to pay for the suit. He then changed back into his own clothes, and the old man placed the suit into a bag. Gray smiled at the old man then held one hand up in the air as a parting gesture as he walked out the door.

"Such a strange old man," he mumbled. He wasn't used to seeing a mage running a clothing shop. He looked up at the sky to find the sun starting to set. "I guess I should get something to eat." He wandered over to a street vendor and bought something light, then headed towards the fountain at the center of the town. He felt a bit lonely, sitting there by himself as he ate his meal. But he was used to this feeling by now. He was always lonely, no matter how many people surrounded him.

He looked up from his food for a moment and watched the setting sun. Then his eyes dropped down to street level, where a particular couple caught his eye. They had their backs towards him, walking towards the setting sun, hand in hand. The girl wore a short skirt, boots, and a tank top, while the boy was clad in jeans and a white collared shirt. She was blonde, and he had hair as black as soot. Gray smiled sadly at the picture before him. Something he had always wanted, but could never have.

…

By the time he made it back to his room, it was already dark outside. He threw the suit on the armchair then pulled off his shirt before falling back onto the bed. He stared at the ceiling with his hands behind his head, trying to think about sleep, but memories consuming his mind instead. Lucy. She was always there, ravaging his mind, pulling on his heart, but tonight was worse. He didn't think she would let him sleep tonight. This would have been okay with him under a different context (xD).

A few sleepless hours passed before a knock came at the door. Slightly startled, Gray rose from the bed and walked towards the door. He opened it slowly, not in the least bit surprised when he found the young innkeeper on the other side of the door. He regarded her for a moment before looking back behind him as if he was more interested in something in his room.

"Ah…" the young woman started, twisting the folds of her skirt with her hands. At the sound of her voice, Gray's eyes moved back to her, and he waited for her to say something. "Are you finding everything to your liking, sir?" She was blushing madly and couldn't quite look him in the eye. "If there is anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask."

She turned as if she was about to leave when Gray caught her by the arm. She gasped slightly, her cheeks burning even brighter. Then Gray swooped his head down to catch her lips with his, pulling away after a moment to gauge her reaction. She is shocked, but doesn't try to run. "I know you find me attractive," Gray whispered with a smirk. "It's obvious. Besides, why else would you come to my room at this hour? Certainly not just to ask me if I needed an extra towel…" The girl finally looked up at him, and Gray took the opportunity to pull her in for a kiss again, wrapping his arms around her waist. Her body reminded him painfully of a certain girl who only visited him in his dreams. The brunette's lips began moving with his as she wound her arms around his neck, and let him pull her into the room, closing the door behind them.

It was true that he still loved Lucy. He always would. He knew this. But he still had his own needs, his own desires to fulfill. And he wasn't oblivious to attractive women. He had done this with Juvia plenty of times. Strictly physical. Regardless, he would always end up with feelings of regret, knowing that he would never be able to share an intimate moment with the one he truly loved. The only one who would ever have his heart. The one girl he never had the guts to even hold hands with. Because he'd always get nervous, choked up. Because this was true love.

Lucy never left his heart or his mind as he pulled the girl down onto the bed.

…

_The stars shone brightly in the sky, though not nearly as brightly as her chocolate brown eyes. I watched the spirit mage slowly, carefully as she sat down next to me. I didn't want to miss a single detail. We both stared in silence at the crackling fire, courtesy of Natsu, who was passed out in his sleeping bag across from us, with Erza asleep next to him as well. After a long moment, the girl finally spoke._

"_It sure is pretty tonight, huh, Gray?" She turned to me and smiled, her head tilting to the side a little. My heart began pounding at the gesture, and I simply nodded in reply. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't find the words buried in my aching heart._

_She regarded me for a moment with concerned eyes. "Is something wrong, Gray? You seem a bit quieter than usual."_

_It was true. When Natsu and Erza were with us, I didn't feel as much pressure, and it was easy to carry on a conversation with her. And although our team members were still there with us, they were sound asleep, and may as well have just been gone. "I'm just a little tired," I answered with a smirk, not wanting to worry her._

"_Good, I'm glad nothing's wrong," Lucy whispered, still staring at the fire. Then she looked back at me. "But I hope you know that if something ever is wrong, you can definitely talk to me about it!" She smiled, and I blushed a little. Her eyes wandered over to our teammates. "I'm so glad we all came together as a team. I'm so happy that I was able to meet all of you guys." She turned back to me, her eyes glimmering. "I'm really happy I met you, Gray," she whispered._

_My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught in my throat for a moment. When my breath returned, I smiled at her, my eyes sincere. "Me too, Lucy," I said._

_She beamed at me, then returned her gaze to our teammates. "They look so peaceful when they're sleeping," she said with a hint of amusement in her voice, blinking her eyes a few times before yawning. A soft whisper escaped her lips as her eyes closed slowly, though I couldn't make out what she said. Then her head fell against my shoulder as she drifted to sleep._

_I stared at her for a long while, my perfect, sleeping angel. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, so much I wanted to convey. "Lucy…" I whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead._

…

Gray shot up in his bed, wondering when he had finally drifted to sleep. "I always dream of you…Lucy…" he smiled sadly, remembering that last moment they spent together before her death. He looked to his side to find the innkeeper gone, but didn't mind. He was such a terrible person anyway. No one should love him. Not after how he let her die like that.

He lay back down again and continued to stare at the ceiling. It was so sad now. All the things he couldn't convey.

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><p>And that is that. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!<p>

Next chapter Gray will go on his assignment!


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